humor

Local News: Area Man Totally Train-Wrecks Drum Part from “The Dance of Eternity” While Playing Steering Wheel

In an embarrassing display of lost focus, accountant Steve Schweitzer of Hoboken, NJ completely train-wrecked the drum solo from Dream Theater’s song “The Dance of Eternity” on his after-work commute last evening.

Witnesses described Schweitzer becoming increasingly agitated as a missed beat from the 13/16 measure at 0:38 turned into three lost beats as the time signature changed from 15/16 to 17/16 and then back to 7/8. At this point, according to witnesses, Schweitzer pounded the dashboard with his fist, resulting a CD skip that caused him to further lose his place. By the time Rudess was playing his ragtime solo, Schweitzer had pulled his car completely over and was doing the deep breathing exercises his therapist had given him.

A long-time claimed fan of Dream Theater, Schweitzer has been practicing steering wheel drums ever since 1999 when Metropolis Pt. 2 – Scenes from a Memory was first released, making Schweitzer’s humiliating performance inexplicable.

Mike Portnoy has so far refused to comment on the astonishing lack of rhythm in someone claiming to be a so-called “fan.”

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