Analysis

Is Prog Going Extinct? A Biological-Anthropological Approach

Abstract

Previous research, using an analysis of Google Trends, published in January 2016 suggested that interested in prog may be declining. However, very little critical and independent analysis of this question has been published since then. If prog is really dying, what theoretical hypotheses might explain this decline? Rather than use a data mining methodology, can we discover why prog might be dying out based on an analysis of the elusive prog fan in his or her natural habitat?

The Proglodyte

What are the primary characteristics of the Proglodyte (Progo sapiens)? It is important to note that there are several subspecies with some subtle differences in phenotype:

Progo sapiens classicus: The original species from which many subspecies have evolved. While their mating calls are complex and intricate, they remain isolated. This could be due to the fact that they believe they are the only species of progo sapien, and that all others died out sometime in the mid 70s.

Progo sapiens metallus: The prog metal fan. Individuals of this subspecies can be identified by thick black coats, chains, ear gauges, and fedoras (not the good kind).

Progo sapiens jazzius: The most pretentious subspecies. It is unclear whether this is a subspecies or a separate genus altogether. Musicians in this subspecies are sometimes heard alone at night, scatting under their breath.

Progo sapiens canterburium: Found in the forests and river valleys of southeast Britain as well as on college campuses. They are easily identified by their crooked posture, button up cardigans, and unbrushed mane.

Progo sapiens lysergicacidiethylamidum: Psychedelic and experimental prog fan. Found in habitats where the plant species Cannabis sativa and Salvia divinorum are abundant.

Scientific evidence suggests that cross-subspecies reproduction is common and often causes difficulty in subspecies identification.

Factors that May Affect Progo sapiens’ Reproductive Rates

It is commonly held that members of the Progo sapiens species have low reproductive rates, and this may contribute to habitat loss. It is difficult to determine which factor is most salient in determining the cause of low reproductive rates among Progo sapiens. A few examples are:

  • High education rates.
  • Low reproductive interest or compatibility.
  • Higher risk of predation by lower life forms (e.g., nu-metal fans).

Factors that Contribute to Species Resilience

Other factors may be considered protective to the continued existence of the Progo sapiens into the next century. Some of these factors include:

  • Broad geographical range.
  • Adaptations to escape and avoid predators (e.g., face melting guitar solos, patience, odor).
  • Additionally, predators have difficulty catching Progo sapiens due to the fact that prog is rarely catchy.
  • Progo sapiens has been observed to flourish in many different biomes and environments.
  • Members of the Progo sapiens species have an ability to mimic the more familiar Homo sapiens and members of the species may even be indistinguishable. Progo sapiens can even be found hidden among Homo sapiens populations, with varying degrees of successful integration.

Conclusion

In my estimation, Progo sapiens will likely continue, even if the numbers of the species diminish. The species may have to find a biological niche in which Progo sapiens adapts to its future environments without losing its biological distinctiveness. Additionally, the species of Progo sapiens will likely never end, because the average prog song doesn’t seem to either.

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